Lemme Break It Down For You (Updated!)

Addendum: I've tidied this up. A certain Luda' connoisseur called me out on my sloppy selection of poor lyric transcription. I've also added her thoughts on the nature of fruit.

[Cee-Lo] Uh huh
So precisely one person exhibited amusement at my last breakdown of the metaphors, similes and literary references of Rhianna's Shut Up and Drive. Despite this I'm doing it again. As before, my observations and translations in italics. I wish blogspot had cuts like livejournal. This is Sugar, an ensemble piece featuring some *cough* artists I don't know and Ludacris and Li'l Kim. I reviewed several different sites containing lyrics and found none fully to my liking but you can find this one here.

[T-Dubl] Yeah
[Cee-Lo] Aw man I got a sweet tooth, can you dig it Would anyone die if a '?' were employed? 'Can' is an asking word at the beginning of a sentence, even my Korean students know this!
[T-Dubl] After this one you gon need a root canal then
How about an apostrophe where an 'e' is lacking?
[Cee-Lo] I love sugar all of it
[T-Dubl] This one for all the clean, decent women
It's not, really.
[Cee-Lo] Lay it on me girl
[T-Dubl] Pay Close Attention
My students do this. There seems to be a theory amongst those who lack grammar skills that, so long as punctuation and capitalization is present, the distribution of them is not particularly important.

[Hook: Cee-Lo]
She put that sugar on my tongue
Hmmm...Sugar you say? Why what exactly could you be referring to?
Shes gonna
Gimme gimme some
She put it right there on my tongue (Skeet Skeet)
Ambush Paddington!
Right there on my tongue (She turns me on, like no other)

[Trick Daddy]
And gimme some of your butter pecan
Your woman bits remind me of a popular ice cream flavor.
Put it right there on tip of my tongue, hold it
Right jeeeah
Cuz baby, if I bite you
I bet you like it
I am incapable of fully executing a statement in the potential form.
French Vanilla's a hell of a flavor for me
White girls also welcome.
With strawberries, two cherries and whipped cream
But they require toppings.
The best things are the wet dreams
And uh, the rest is just a flick without a sex scene
Or lee, I speak the truth
'Or lee' is probably a mutation of 'ordinarily'.
Cuz the blacker the berry
The sweeter the juice
While 'vanilla' women are acceptable, the more nubian the better.
Cuz, Florida oranges and Georgia peaches
When they nice and ripe, they the best for eatin'
Women are like fruit. My Luda expert says that oranges and peaches here refer to breasts. The good news is that this clearly indicates that, unlike R. Kelly, the singer approves of consuming sexually mature women.
Southern boys we crave for old slice of pie after they main course
So if you game for it
Sex: It's not what's for dinner.
I came for it
I got a thing for ya
That I can't ignore

[Hook: Cee-Lo]
She put that sugar on my tongue
Shes gonna
Gimme gimme some
She put it right there on my tongue (Skeet Skeet)
Right there on my tongue (She turns me on, like no other)

[Lil' Kim]
Hey nigga that ???? something soft and sweet (ta!)
What is with that '????' ? One can only assume that the question marks absent at required locations earlier in the transcript needed to go somewhere.
Lookin at me like I'm something to eat (ta!)
I got pimps givin me the money
Just to taste my jar of honey
I am a 'ho'.
Cotton candy sweet as gold
Come and lick my Tootsie Roll
Li'l Kim's clitoris resembles a popular, chocolate flavoured treat.
My sugar baby once you wet it
Give high blood pressure like a diabetic
This line has upset me for literally YEARS! While those with Type II diabetes undoubtedly have trouble with high blood pressure it is high blood SUGAR that causes the most immediate and relevant problems!!! Surely, at least one member of the booty-ass-ho community is familiar enough with diabetes to catch this mistake! Regardless of related blood pressure issues Li'l Kim has missed a prime opportunity to directly tap into the 'sugar' metaphor.
How about having Lil Kim with your coke
In the actual song it is not 'coke' but 'coffee', which makes far more sense and is actually quite clever.
I just can't keep these boys OFF ME!
Pink diamonds, dudes love to frost me
Note the play on words. Diamonds are often referred to as 'ice' and related to other cooling elements like frost. Here, Li'l Kim captures the overlap between the acquisition of diamonds and the saccharine theme of the song with the verb 'frost'.
Running behind me like I'm Mr. Softie (ah!)
My Luda expert reminds us that 'Mr. Softie' is a reference to an ice cream truck. This is good because the image in my head related to those soft ice cream dispensers and that would probably be really uncomfortable.
He said I drive 'em crazy
That's sweet tooth for you baby
Just gonna look at 'cha lady
Lil' Kim's like candy baby!
Where is the fucking comma? Or did they mean that Li'l Kim is like a candy baby? I doubt it.

[Hook: Cee-Lo]
She put that sugar on my tongue
Shes gonna
Gimme gimme some
She put it right there on my tongue (Skeet Skeet)
Right there on my tongue (She turns me on, like no other)

[Ludacris]
She put that sugar on my tongue, tongue
Yippie Yippie, Yum Yum
Goodie goodie gum drop
Put me in a tongue lock
Did it 'til my body went numb, numb
Laid her on her back, back
Turned her round, gave her bottom a smack, smack
She's a woman from the block with the best of weed
What does weed have to do with this? Is a woman's sugary goodness somehow related to her possession of pot? These are questions that did not plague the person transcribing the lyrics. It's the 'best of weaves'.
But I won't stop 'til I'm pullin out tracks, tracks
For those of you not 'in the know', "tracks" are some reference to the installation of weaves therefore Luda is making the promise of totally wrecking your 'do in a presumably painful way during his love-making session. Awesome!
It was lust at first sight
And she couldn't help sayin that she wanted to get with me
And my size was just right[1]
This is a subtle way of informing you that Ludacris has a monstrous schlong because, of course, only one size is just right: Huge.
Cuz she wanted a man with a little sec-ur-ity
Said I been around the world twice
And my name ring bells from Atlanta to Sic-i-ly
We must thank Luda for not trying to make something rhyme with 'Japan' as whenever someone wants to appear to have worldwide appeal they aim for the 'I'm big in Japan' reference.
Said she wanted it all night
So put the bubbles in the tub and Ludacris and me

[Hook: Cee-Lo]
She put that sugar on my tongue
Shes gonna
Gimme gimme some
She put it right there on my tongue (Skeet Skeet)
Right there on my tongue (She turns me on, like no other)

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeeeah Yeeeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah
Ah the Greek Chorus of the rap world. Why Li'l John was not asked to contribute his vast talents we may never know.

[Trick Daddy]
Sweetie you look so incredible
So delicious and so damn edible
All I need is some honey or syrup
With a lil' butter to rub down all your curves
Trick Daddy is all out of Astroglide.
And no need for the lemonade
Just a twist of lime and some grape Kool-Aid
Gawd, seriously? Grape Kool-Aid? I don't even recall this line from the song but if it truly does reference staple beverages of childhood I'm ashamed on behalf of Trick Daddy. Granted, it's a nice change from mentions of Henessy or overpriced champagne
Can I call you Caramel?
Sure, for what you're paying you can call her whatever you like.
Cuz I'm bout to go coo-coo to taste your Coco Puffs
Is it just me or does Trick Daddy have some unresolved issues regarding his childhood?
One bowl ought to fill me up
Multiple orgasms are out of the question, missy.
But that milk gotta be cold enough
So supper time that'll hold me up
I might choke myself if I don't slow it up, but
I can't even imagine the sexual mechanics that would be required for a man to choke on a woman but now I imagine you will spend a few minutes pondering it.
Honey, you look like a honeydew melon
Or strawberry with the whipped cream filling
Of the top part of the peach cobbler
But uh, the fruit platter ought to do me better
Here the author clearly references the Songs of Solomon, which likened much of the female sex to various delicious fruits. Given the modern American population's limited familiarity with roes and pomegranates the artist has elected to mention more mundane fruits.

[Hook] - 2X

[1] Other scholars believe my interpretation to be incorrect. The argument goes that when a woman says a man's bits are "just right" they are, in fact, small. As we are so far unable to acquire photographic evidence, with appropriate scale included, this point will stand. This genre of music most certainly lends itself to bragging and exaggeration.